There are times when I wish this was all but a dream, and when I woke up, looked around, I would still be in your arms, while you were only fast asleep right next to me.

I enjoy being happy as much as I enjoy being sad.

At times when I'm in a state of extreme sorrow, I plead you, don't ever try to make me feel better.
I am capable of handling my own emotions. I need some time alone.

I'll talk to you when I feel like to,
or when I know I'm starting to sink to the very bottom
and forget about how to swim to the surface.

But never have I ever been so depressed to a point that I no longer find my way out,
so please just give me space
and give me time to sort things out,
because I know myself, crystal clear,
because I know that eventually, I'll be just fine like I've always been.

Now I'm just exhausted, and so sick of being stuck in the same phase of love - again and again,
if you ask me what is wrong, I shall have to expose my wounds to you,
and every time by doing so, it hurts,
it hurts so goddamn much.

This pain is not like any other pain,
it doesn't hurt like a paper cut, nor does it ache like a punch on the shoulder.
This pain is something I cannot bear.

So shall I plead you, don't come any closer even if you're my friend.
I will have it sorted on my own. I'm one year to being a young adult.

Just let me rest, and take a step back.
Perhaps I'll realize, that in the end, life is not always about the enjoyment and suffering.

I'll call you, I'll text you, I'll talk to you,
whenever the wounds are healed.
By then, I will have my scars shown to you,
with words coming from once a damaged human being
to a fearless soul,
loud, and proud:
"Scars is a beauty, each one gives me a reason to live,
each one symbolizes how I survived through the world's fatal mistakes."

All I ask for now though, is a break,
my spiritual struggle to be paused for a little while,
so as to breathe in a mouthful of fresh air.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

每次做了些甚麼 傷了別人的心
又或者做錯了決定 讓自己的心傷透了
然而不願意面對時 最喜歡給自己藉口
"我不清楚自己在幹甚麼"
選擇躲避
以為能逃走
以為能脫離責任
一直欺騙着自己問題已經解決
跟真心撒謊
"世事難料，我沒有能力掌握所有將會發生的事情，只有神才是命運的操控者。"
有時又會愛理不理 心想
"你傷心關我屁事，我才沒有時間策劃好怎樣去玩弄你感情。沒感覺就沒感覺，那有誰玩弄誰。"

或許這就是怯懦
最後還是成為了恐懼的奴隸。

從小就很討厭膽小鬼
"懦夫 是沒有用的東西 是廢人"
怎料現在的我卻成了懦夫的一份子
懦弱令我變成了另一個廢人

討厭現在的自己

"我不清楚自己在幹甚麼"
這句話 不知道又會在甚麼時候再次大派用場呢
明天?

自問何時才懂得 真正地鼓起勇氣去面對?
- 要直到我愛的那個他 被我傷得遍體鱗傷?

還是直到自己的真心 碎得沒發再修補 才肯告訴自己
"其實我一直都知道自己在做甚麼，都知道自己一心渴求的 只是..."

喂
誰來愛我 疼惜我?

Just yesterday, I was talking to my best friend about my ex. I said I couldn't forget him, and that I still missed him a lot. Then he came up with a conclusion. He said I was feeling this way only because of one reason, I still haven't found another person to replace him.

I mean, yea, I guess it does help me to move on, but at the same time, it makes me wonder if it can really replace something that we have lost in life and fill up the hole inside our heart.

Ever since I was born, I was convinced by the fact that things that are lost can never be replaced. If you have read the book by Cecelia Ahern, A Place Called Here, I think you'll have a clearer idea of what I'm trying to imply. Once it's lost, it is lost. It can never be found, and it can never be replaced. Take my diary book as an example, I figured I've lost it. I went looking for it the whole day but still could not find a single trace of my diary book. Is it THAT important to me? No, not at all - despite it was brand new and I only written two entries on it. I just cannot cope with the fact that when it is lost, it is lost - it's still no where to be found. My parents said they would buy me a new one, a prettier one, but I didn't like how they think it was gonna replace my diary book.

It just can't. It is not what it was supposed to be. Lost things can never be replaced.

Just like Lxx, I lost him, literally. Yes I lost him, we lost contact, I lost everything of his. Can a new love help? Well, yes, to move on, but no, he can never replace Lxx. People are individuals, mind you, nobody can ever be replaced, nothing can ever be replaced.

So were all the other former lovers of mine. I lost them, they could never be replaced. Cxxx didn't replace Brxxxx, Brxxxxx didn't replace Lxxxx, Lxxxx didn't replace Wxx, Wxx didn't replace Lxx. As a matter of fact, I just got over them, but I still think about every one of them once in a while. (Not cheat, I don't love them anymore)

That's why, I think conclusion can be drawn here. Replacement is a good way of moving on, but it is not how we fill up the hollow space in our heart that was supposedly belong to different people that had come but then left.

Yes?