Feeling Formulae

I used to write about my feelings. Now I write about my thoughts. It is like how I know what I should feel under different circumstances, with different people. I know I ought to feel sad because I just got dumped. But it is only what I tell myself I should feel because it is supposed to be that way. You know? My feelings now work like a formula:
Happiness = Cookies + Tea + A good book
                  = A warm shower before bed
                  = Go to Stanley with my best friends and all the people I care about
                  = Playing tennis with Connie
                  = Cats
                  = Picking little daisies
                  = Road trips

Fear = J-walking and almost get hit by a truck
         = Getting into trouble at school and get caught
         = Seeing Lego pieces on the floor

Frustration = When someone never listens
                   = Work on something big but turns out so little
                   = Trying to explain myself but they never understand

Satisfaction = Everything goes according to plan
                     = Having to accomplish more than I have expected

Sadness = People walking out of my life, like they die or something...
               = Fear + Frustration + Disappointment
               = Rejections
Et cetera, et cetera...

I used to be proud of myself, of my ability to write down exactly what I feel inside.

"I could write it better than you ever felt it,"

Indeed I was able to. I was so capable of doing that.

Now it sucks to not be able to write down any of my feelings anymore, I can only write down what I think I feel, and what I think I should feel. It really sucks that I'm numb. I just can't remember what it's like to feel.