Just Me

I'm not perfect.
I'm always insecure.
I occasionally flirt around with others.
Sometimes I'm so sad to a point that no one will understand why.
I'm not pretty.
I do tell lies sometimes, but always for a good cause.

I have flaws, too.
But I know I deserve you just as much as you deserve me,
not because I think I'm good enough,
but because I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

x

FFS

Officially made myself poorly by stressing too much before exam. For the love of God.

I've been in several relationships before, twice with boys and once with a girl. Lately, I'd been having a complicated love affair with a girl, but as long as I recall, we weren't even together. I know she loves me and I do love her very much but no, she refused to be with me for several times.

Yesterday she asked me if we should take a break. I hate taking breaks to be honest. She said we were moving too fast and she kind of wanted us to slow down a bit until exam finished- which will be in mid June.

I really didn't know what to say at some point. What is taking a break- I mean, of course I know what it means but what exactly did she want? How long will it be? Is it able for us to be together after the break? Will she still feels the same and loves me the same after almost two months? Will I be able to cope with the sadness and emptiness when I'm temporarily losing her? Will everything be the same again? Will she keep her promise? Will I be able to still love her the way I did? All these questions about that break is overwhelming me, I couldn't sleep last night, I couldn't eat nor concentrate on anything. It hurt me so bad to hear she wanted a break.

Was I not good enough? Was it because I did not give her enough time to think things through? All these questions are literally killing me and I'd die to have her back. It's really ironic though, having said that I wanted her back isn't actually what the way it sounds, I never really did have her, how am I supposed to 'have her back'?

She left her coat in my place the other day, she didn't want it back because she said she wanted me to sleep with it so that I could feel less lonely at night. Her coat, her coat smells just like her. That scent of sweetness you'll never have strength to esacape from. And before long, my whole room smells like her. It's so sad to remember how she smells. I feel so close to her yet so far away. With her coat I'll never be able to get over her, but at some point I don't want to return her coat because it's now the only thing I've got.

Is this break ever going to end? I'm really not sure. I really hope I can be strong. I hope everything will be okay. Cus it will, eventually. It always will, things happen for the best, at least this is what my sister always tells me.