I just got dumped.

I FEEL LIKE I'M ALWAYS BEING LIED TO.

CAN YOU JUST CUT THE SHIT OUT AND TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY YOU WANT
SO I DONT HAVE TO SIT MY SORRYASS IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER EVERY NIGHT AND WAIT FOR YOU TO APPEAR ONLINE AND TALK TO ME
AND IT WILL SAVE US BOTH THE TROUBLE

Found a picture of my first love.

I'm really speechless now. What can I say, puppy love was silly but hey, it was certainly worth bringing up.

Branson was young, I was young. He was fifteen and I just turned fourteen. We were both young and we wanted the world. Then things changed, I had to find my way back home, and so was he.

We would have made a cute couple.
We would have been the happiest couple if where we both came from didn't matter at all.
We would have been the happiest couple if there weren't mountains and oceans keeping us apart.
We would have been the happiest couple if we both had the determination and commitment.
We would have been the happiest couple if we looked for and gave the same.
We would have been the happiest couple if he didn't cheat.
We would have been the happiest couple if forgiving was the only thing I had to do.
We would have been the happiest couple if our love was really true.
We would have been the happiest couple if...

Who would have guessed? What would YOU have done when you were 14 and 15? We were just kids and knew nothing about love. Somehow, we grew up from this memory to become what we are today. In some point, we thought we screwed up everything, we screwed up our friendship, relationship, trust, and came to believe that the world was all but nothing that always turned against us. But now we know that it's not true. We were invincible just like we are today. We allowed ourselves to be reckless and rebellious, we allowed ourselves to walk into traps ahead of us and get hurt in the end because we knew we would always be invincible. We knew that even if things ended ugly, we would still be okay.

There's a saying that I live by,
'You can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.'
I hope I won't end up being old and boring.

Anyway, looking back, my first love, from falling in love to falling out of love, was definitely worth the while. It will always be part of my memories. Branson, thanks for everything despite the fact that we both don't love each other anymore haha. I still hope the slightest things that remind me of you, remind you of me.

I use to find myself extremely sensitive, and my emotions were always fluctuating and unsettling. I could be happy or sad because of the slightest things that had happened.

But recently, I've been unexpectedly emotionally stable. Well, not necessarily emotionally stable to be honest, perhaps I should say, unemotional.

I'm guessing that this is happening probably because I am overwhelmed by numbness. It's like, I don't even bother to give a fuck about anything at all, even at times when I urge myself to care about things that are considered important, I just cannot feel the need to think about it at all. School, family, friends, relationship, all these that my life literally revolves around no longer matter to me.

Or I'm suggesting that things are getting all familiar to me now. It's just like a cycle, things repeat themselves over and over again, and this shit is slowly becoming boring to me. It has come to a point that I am utterly convinced by the fact that people come and go, but things could never get any worse. Truth is, things always get better, they always fall into place. They are always in the right order and nothing can ever go more outrageous than getting hurt and being left alone, because eventually, there will be a start of something new.

So here I am now, living my life as a routine, having no expectation of anything at all. And this numbness is turning into an emptiness that can never be filled. On rare occasions, it haunts me - does this mean my life is becoming meaningless now? From this moment onwards, do I have no reasons to live at all?

Seriously I don't see any difference between living and dead. I hope new excitements help. And I do think I am desperately in need of something that entertains me that can bring me back to life again.

Why do people fall in love with illusions?

Like, they're not actually in love with the person they say they love, rather, they fall in love with this ideal person they make up.
'Oh, you're good looking, you are pretty, you have gorgeous eyes, so I bet there are quite a number of people that fancy you... which makes you a popular person. And you are very charming when you speak, everyone can't take their eyes off you when you're talking, I bet you must be a smart person at school. Hmm... I like you. I think I'm in love with you...'

This is just sad, because when the truth about the person you idealize come striking right at your face, pow, you immediately break down with the fact that who they are aren't actually who you've been expecting. They're not actually THAT amazing, they seem to be charismatic and strong people in the crowd but truth is, they are vulnerable and scared inside.
And you know what? These people that you idealize are eventually left alone, because you guys are fuckingdisappointed.

What's with all the disappointment? Nobody tells you to believe in illusions. Both parties get hurt because of false image that you've always been creating to fool yourself.

I just don't understand why people won't accept the fact that nobody is perfect, and that nobody is absolutely 'your type of guy/girl'. And please, when you find out about how different they are from what you have expected, don't abandon them. If you love them enough, you won't just leave, you won't tell them to change just for your sake.

If you love them enough, embrace every inch of their flaws, tell them they're beautiful.
If you love them enough, encourage them to be who they are instead of being who others want them to be.


I love my boyfriend enough to say that he's absolutely amazing despite all the flaws he has. Of course, be a better person, put effort in everything you do, but never change your roots. Never change yourself.

I love you just the way you are, and I mean it.

Just because distance is a cockblock doesn't mean I'm gonna stop loving you.