The best thing about me

I use to find myself extremely sensitive, and my emotions were always fluctuating and unsettling. I could be happy or sad because of the slightest things that had happened.

But recently, I've been unexpectedly emotionally stable. Well, not necessarily emotionally stable to be honest, perhaps I should say, unemotional.

I'm guessing that this is happening probably because I am overwhelmed by numbness. It's like, I don't even bother to give a fuck about anything at all, even at times when I urge myself to care about things that are considered important, I just cannot feel the need to think about it at all. School, family, friends, relationship, all these that my life literally revolves around no longer matter to me.

Or I'm suggesting that things are getting all familiar to me now. It's just like a cycle, things repeat themselves over and over again, and this shit is slowly becoming boring to me. It has come to a point that I am utterly convinced by the fact that people come and go, but things could never get any worse. Truth is, things always get better, they always fall into place. They are always in the right order and nothing can ever go more outrageous than getting hurt and being left alone, because eventually, there will be a start of something new.

So here I am now, living my life as a routine, having no expectation of anything at all. And this numbness is turning into an emptiness that can never be filled. On rare occasions, it haunts me - does this mean my life is becoming meaningless now? From this moment onwards, do I have no reasons to live at all?

Seriously I don't see any difference between living and dead. I hope new excitements help. And I do think I am desperately in need of something that entertains me that can bring me back to life again.