The Maine - Waiting For My Sun To Shine

Is this a waste of all my precious time
And could this chance that I take lead me to losing my mind
As I step to the edge, I saw the water below
Then I said to myself, "Sometimes you've gotta let go"

All I know is
All I know is
All I know is I'm still waiting for my sun to shine

Oh I see our clouds when I look around
Rain falls from my mouth as it hits the ground
Lead me to the light
'Cause I'm still waiting
I'm waiting for my sun to shine

What does it take to be a liar
And all the chances we take
What we're measured by
As I sat on my couch
I wondered why
It's such a beautiful day
I'm still sitting inside-side-side
All I know is
All I know is
All I know is I'm still waiting for my sun to shine.


I was dancing with the devil
I was singing dirty songs
Pulling whiskey from the bottle
'Till the early break of dawn

Oh my gorgeous Arizona
Here's to gettin' caught with you
I was runnin' with the wolves
I was howlin' at the moon

I felt down and torn apart
With no cash left in my pockets
Just a shitty fortune card
It read "Strength will find you sooner
Than you ever thought it would"

Then the pain it turned to anger
Moved to joy, so now I'm good
And I'm one pack of smokes from broke
I can tell I will make it alone

So I'll keep on fighting
Yeah, I'll keep on fighting
In the end, when you sink, we float

When you're one pack of smokes from broke
When you're one pack of smokes from broke
When you're one pack of smokes from broke
When you're one pack of smokes from broke
I'm just one pack of smokes from broke
Yes I'm one pack of smokes from broke

I'm just one pack of smokes from broke

Losing It

They asked me what I regretted most, I never really regretted anything -
until memories strike me like a thunderstorm, have me realizing this hurricane is what embraces me, cleansing me with its heavy rain.

Thinking back, there is one thing that I regret.

On the previous Valentine's Day, I was dedicated this song from a very special person. He was not the type of guy I had longed for - if I had to be frank. Still, he gave all that he had just to prove himself and prove his love and devotion. I wasn't pleased with his actions at all. I had never come across anyone like him in my life before, and when I did, I panicked, I was terrified to learn how much effort he had been putting in it.

It freaked me out to know that he was already attached and I felt sorry to have him falling so deep. Guilt tortured me. It pretty much explained why I pulled myself back and stepped out of his life. He thought he had lost me, he thought he was nothing but a burden, then he chose to let go.

We all thought he had lost me, until the moment when this song reminds me of us, I know it isn't true that he has lost me - in fact, I was the ignorant, selfish, spoiled girl who had no idea how lucky I was; in fact, I had lost him, forever. He has moved on, and he is happy with what he's got now. I am happy for him as well.

No, I don't love him now, but this song is strongly significant to the bond between us. He knew me more than I knew myself.

The last moment when he chose to leave me - I still remember - he said that it would be my loss; he said that someday, I would regret.

I guess he really does know me well.

 

Time For A Long Holiday

If I were told that this is the time when everything starts falling into place, right back to where they came from and where they had belonged, I wouldn't be bothered.

Regardless of what I want but do not have, I am satisfied with the current state of life, because I am happy that I do not have what I do not want.

Feeling Formulae

I used to write about my feelings. Now I write about my thoughts. It is like how I know what I should feel under different circumstances, with different people. I know I ought to feel sad because I just got dumped. But it is only what I tell myself I should feel because it is supposed to be that way. You know? My feelings now work like a formula:
Happiness = Cookies + Tea + A good book
                  = A warm shower before bed
                  = Go to Stanley with my best friends and all the people I care about
                  = Playing tennis with Connie
                  = Cats
                  = Picking little daisies
                  = Road trips

Fear = J-walking and almost get hit by a truck
         = Getting into trouble at school and get caught
         = Seeing Lego pieces on the floor

Frustration = When someone never listens
                   = Work on something big but turns out so little
                   = Trying to explain myself but they never understand

Satisfaction = Everything goes according to plan
                     = Having to accomplish more than I have expected

Sadness = People walking out of my life, like they die or something...
               = Fear + Frustration + Disappointment
               = Rejections
Et cetera, et cetera...

I used to be proud of myself, of my ability to write down exactly what I feel inside.

"I could write it better than you ever felt it,"

Indeed I was able to. I was so capable of doing that.

Now it sucks to not be able to write down any of my feelings anymore, I can only write down what I think I feel, and what I think I should feel. It really sucks that I'm numb. I just can't remember what it's like to feel.