Random Shit

I feel like shit right now. And I don't know who I can talk to, or maybe because I don't even know how to open up to them? I hope this place gives me security.

As much as feeling scared, I'm disappointed as well. I've been through several relationships, they all failed. I thought they all failed because of the distance and the separation, I was wrong. They didn't even like me to be honest. They only thought they did because they knew I loved them. It's cruel, really, and unfair. Even worse, it had never been their fault, nor mine. I just couldn't get them to feel the same way about me as I did toward them, but I hadn't noticed until the very last moment, this is the shit part. I had thought they loved me like how I loved them, I just got too involved while they were not. Getting attached is the first most horrible thing that had repeatedly happened to me. Maybe they were my first priority but I wasn't theirs. If only this isn't vague enough to explain the term 'relationship'.

Then I thought, maybe it was illusion that had blinded both sides. Excluding illusion, we would have never put on a false show, I would have never been tricked by it, thinking I had stepped beyond the zone and got a little closer to them. Honestly, thinking back, I thought way too much. Illusion made me picture my future with them. I thought we would be able to make it through. Then guess what, I got my own heart broken.

I'm stepping into this same old cycle again recently. I know I should get out before I fall too deep, but my character doesn't allow me to. I'm not the kind of person that steps out immediately when I notice there's a problem, even if I know the problem can never be solved and it will never work out. That's why in the end, things always end up the same. People around me started to get annoyed, probably because I wouldn't stop whining about how I failed my relationships again, not to mention, making the same wrong decision. Hey, but I can't help it. Now, I don't talk to any of them about any of my stuff anymore. I'm beyond glad to have this place for me to bullshit around.